Because…

It’s burning inside me

The urge which threatens to consume me

The urge to be in your arms

To feel the warmth of your embrace

To feel the wet kiss on my forehead

And the feathered breath on my hair

To hear the consoling voice

Your voice reverberating from your chest

To my very soul

But when has life been fair with me?

As I sit in this cold dark room

All I can do is imagine you

With me here and promising to be with me forever

Because I never had the courage to tell you that day

That I really liked you

 

One look

One look is all I need

To know that you don’t know me

One look is all I need

To know that you will not talk to me

One look is all I need

To know that you may even despise me

But,

One look is all I need

To know that you missed out the chance to be with me

My Kingdom

I never knew what love was

I was safe

In my own kingdom

With myself

I was happy

Not exactly giddy with happiness

But happy

My kingdom was strong

And I was safe

Safe from all the

Terrible and wretched memories

Painful memories

Of negligence and hurt

Deliberate hurt

I was safe within the walls of my kingdom

My treasure, my heart

Was safe

And I was content

But suddenly I felt the change in the air

The wind I was familiar with

Suddenly started to blow from the other side

And then

I saw you

You came along

Galloped into my kingdom

And tried to break down my walls

You wanted my treasure

I could see it in your eyes

And I couldn’t save my kingdom

I fell deeper and deeper into a pit

But I hoped

Suddenly hoped

That you will be there

On the other end of the pit

To catch me

And hold me

But then I saw her

And saw you looking at her

And I knew that you will never save me

Because you never saw

Whose kingdom you had broken into

I couldn’t scream

Couldn’t cry

Couldn’t ask you to help me

Because I knew

I knew that the moment you will see me

You will laugh at me

Crush my treasure

Throw it away

And won’t even look back

So I kept quite

And I saw you

See her

And saw her see you

And as I kept falling down

Into the pit

I only wish you happiness

And that

No one else goes through what I went through

As I kept thinking that

I heard a distant rumble of lightening

Felt the air swoosh past me

Felt the pricks of helplessness

And closed my eyes

Before the black darkness

Engulfed me

Swallowed me

Removed my existence

From this very earth

Shattered

Tears of my sorrow

Slide down my face

I feel disoriented

I close my eyes

Hoping to cut out

From the world around me

So that I can reside to the

Inner world

A world inside of me

Which I have created

For myself

To protect myself

To heal myself

But I can’t heal

The cut is too deep

The pain too intense

So intense that I can taste

Taste the blood on my tongue

Feel the stab of pain

On my body

Feel the ache

The ghost of the ache

Still lurking under my skin

And suddenly the safe place

Is raided by memories

Memories I don’t want to relive

And not just the blows on my body

But the words, so powerful

That it broke the innocent dreams

I used to harbour in my heart

Those dreams which became

More than just dreams

And became a part of me

My life depended on it

And was my solitary friend

In my solitariness

Yes,

Those dreams were shattered

Ruthlessly

I cried, but no one heard me

No one cared

Forced into abandonment

I cloaked myself in illusions

Illusions of belonging to someone

Of being loved

Of being lovingly held

But the cuts are too deep

Deeper than I thought they were

Because my heart refuses

To mend

The cracks are still visible

And shows its fragility

Far too easily

It can’t hold any more hope

Of belonging to anyone

Than a broken vase

Can hold water

I can never be accepted the way I am

And I never will be

It will be abandoned again

And again

Thus

I don’t want to risk it

Ever again

I can’t risk it ever again

And thus I will keep my heart

Within myself

But somewhere

Deep down

In the abyss

Of my mind

And the broken heart

Miraculously

I feel the sting of hope

Telling me that I may not

Be correct at all

And I will one day

Find myself accepted

Content and safe

I feel you

I feel you

Near me

Always

Happiness, sadness

Joy, anger

Laughter, tears

Failure, victory

You are with me

At every step

Your love

Is my constant strength

With you by my side

I can win the whole world

Without you

I feel hollow

Like dead soul

Alive yet not living

I never thought I can ever feel like this

But you changed me

I will always feel you near me

Even when you are not here

I will feel you near me

Holding me

Loving me

I have

Blue green and grey

I have seen

The ocean change its colour

With ever season

With the changing colour of the sky

I have seen

I have seen the wind

Caressing the ocean

Gently, lovingly

I have seen

I have heard the wind roar

And the tides crashing on the rocks

I  have heard

I have seen the rain fall

On the ocean

The drops quietly mingling

With the salty water

Surrounded by the music it creates

I have seen

I have seen the sky give the ocean

I have seen the ocean give the sky

And while I watch this

I realise

I am the ocean and you are my sky.

I met Him

I met Him

On my way to the

Kingdom of cynicism

He stopped me

With one glance

And chided me

Over my decision

To proceed towards

The land of

Darkness and despondence

Where hope, care and love

Are precluded

Sadness, remorse and coldness

Are the constant companion

He told me

That I am not meant to

Travel to those lands

And to become the

Neighbour of forever jealousy

And crippling sorrow

He handed me

A small gift

And left

Telling me that

The choice will always be mine

And mine alone

And I will be responsible

For the kind of

Friend for life

I gather on my way

Watching it go away

I opened the gift

And found patience

My eyes blurred

I realised I can

Either throw it away

And continue with my journey

Or accept the gift

And turn around

Toward the earth

Where the gift

Will give me strength

To find the state of

Happiness and tears

Victory and failure

A land of unending hope

Kingdom of encompassing love

And to attain ultimate bliss

Of a life

Lived well and full

Oblivious of me

I love you

Worship you

Kiss the very ground

On which you walk

Yet

You don’t know me

Oblivious of my very existence

It hurts a lot

When you look

Right past me

As if I am a broken sheet of glass

Lying around

Waiting to be thrown into the bin

But it’s not your fault

I don’t want you discover me

Underneath the cloak I hide

You might be repulsed

At what you see

You’ll hate me

Because your eyes

Are covered by a film of arrogance

Due to your over-exposure to knowledge

You inhabit a world

Which does not exist on this earth

You and I shall never meet

As there is no common meeting ground

You shall never know me

As I will never reveal myself from underneath my safety cloak.

Another love song

Shades of the day

Shades of the night

Love changes everything

Everything in sight.

People seem happy

Flowers seem bright

And the clear blue sky seems to be

Dotted with vivid kites.

Love makes me sing

Love makes me dance

And it makes even these

Horrible few lines rhyme.

A song for Him

I am glad

And happy

That you are with me

Have always been with me

As a shadow

As my strength

My shoulder to cry on

My voice of logic

You have always been with me

In every step

You are present in my every memory

Every moment of happiness

And sadness

You held my hand when I lost me way

You took me in your arms

When I lost a battle

Today

I have a song for you

A song about you

Because I love you

Beyond words

Beyond the limitless limit

A love which is pure

A love which is intimate

A love which is, in its own way, mine

Only mine

I know

No one can take you away from me

No one can take me away from you

You are in me

I am in you

One heartbeat

One life

You are in me

My heart

My mind

And if I ever meet you on the road

I will know that it is you

My heart will recognize you

And thus, till that day

I will love you, in my mind

And my heart.